Wednesday, April 13, 2011

When they ask me, I'll tell them...

"What were you like when you were little Mom?"

Very blond, very sunburned, covered in freckles and band aids, and almost always outside!

But, one of the things I remember the most about being little, was trying my best to just be a normal kid without a care in the world.

Unfortunately, for me, life was not as carefree as I would've wished.

There isn't enough good to write about my life as a very little girl. I've often felt like the best thing I could do was to just forget about it...almost like pretending it never happened. I rarely talk about life before 1985, and for good reason.

The truth is that the first nine years of my life are like a bunch of puzzle pieces, jumbled up in the closets of my memory. It takes too much time and emotion to try and figure out how they all fit together, so I leave them back there.

Sometimes a few of those memory pieces start locking together on their own and I'm faced with the truth of it all.

I've learned that talking about it only makes my family sad. So, I keep those doors closed.

The only one allowed back there is Jesus. I opened those doors to Him when I was ten years old and He has been transforming the darkness into light ever since.

No matter how hard my first nine years of life were, they are an important part of me. In fact I've even learned to be thankful for them.

I want Abigail, Benjamin, & Elizabeth to see God's goodness in it all. The best way to do that is to be honest with them.

God doesn't cover things up, He makes things new.

We know true victory when we are brave enough to face the darkness, hand in hand with the Light.

We are not called to wear our past like a badge or a burden. There is no need to let it hold us back or define who we are.

The past is the truth, be it good or bad. But when the past threatens the peace of the present, there is only one thing left to do...deliberately hand it over to the Everlasting God.

So, as the kids grow older I will be as honest with them about who I was and where I came from.

And I believe that they will see a very good God in it all.

A God Who sees, a God Who cares, and a God who saves..."to the uttermost!"

1 comment:

  1. You tell them Jenn.........God is seen through out your life. I talk to my kids all the time about my childhood without Jesus, and then my years with Jesus. They can see the contrast and make up their minds which way they want to live. I also see it brings them so much closer to their mommie, when they learn their mommie had struggles too. We are beyond blessed with what God has done with our family, lets let them in on all that He has done!!!!!