Friday, June 29, 2012

When the whole world is watching and you want them to go away....pick your nose.
                    Oh look marvelous! Feline fashions by AbbySue.

It took me a while to figure out who or what made these unusual markings on the window seat. Hint...think teeth with a space in-between. (thankfully the littlest kookie did not end up with lead poisoning.)
          Translation: "Sorry!! Theatrical work in progress!! Go!"
We have yet been able to open the top drawer of Ben's desk. It was "somehow" super glued shut.
      It's kinda like tip toeing through a mine field.

     Another trip with Daddy to Seattle...and a view from the Space Needle.
AbbySue & Abbi taking a lunch break during our church soccer outreach...servant hearted friends.
     This big guy came in 30th out of over 150 lean mean contestants....always the competitor.

I'm trying to except the fact that we are a crazy family that goes places. It's not what I always want or even love but it's God's road for us. The truth is, the kids are as at home in hotels as much they are in the Old House. I've wrestled over this being a healthy way to grow needing stability and all that stuff, but I guess what's important is knowing that they are loved everywhere and anywhere we rest our heads....nothing will change that. Still it's hard. It's hard on relationships. I struggle maintaining friendships. I love my friends and wish that my life was simple and easy and open and free. But, by the time we get home, the kids just want to be home, settle down..relax. And so for them I risk misunderstanding. If I can't be here for them how can I be there for anyone else? I'll trust God for the seasons. I'm looking forward to the one that involves coffee chats with beloved friends.

So...Goodbye Guilt.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Hard Reads

Two books that I recently read have left me thinking and wondering about life and the beauty and bitterness that it holds, our world so full with hurt and healing. These books were written from perspectives far from my own, something I needed in this perfectly cloistered world I move about in. These books were very hard to read. Very hard. They are not happy or uplifting and yet I find myself strengthened in my understanding for reading them. It takes guts to look at truth. Truth isn't easy to stomach...children suffering isn't easy to digest. But it's truth none the less. And in my own little way, I find healing and can relate.

This Life in Your Hands: Melissa Coleman

The Kite Runner: Kahled Hosseini

side note: both authors write about searching for goodness and meaning in the face of tragedy. The subjects are plagued with guilt and remorse. They long for a way "to be good again". I thought about that this morning while my feet carried me up and over these Silverton hills, running...mulling over gaining goodness back by being good again. Self redemption. And I thought about how even if I could find a way to be good again I would live in the fear of my goodness never really being enough. I would never really know if I was redeemed...forgiven. The only way to being good again is though the cross of the only One who was ever fully good. True relief...true redemption. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

on being a hobbit

             You love Tolkien. I'm not surprised. After finishing The Hobbit you stated, "I think I'm a hobbit mom. I love to eat second breakfast. I love being at home. And, sometimes, I'm fearful." Funny thing is I always knew that you would love these stories. Even at nine, you understand the layers of a well written book. I'm glad you are reading them now...while you are young. How wonderful to be a boy with all of that living imagination of yours. I'm glad it's summertime and you can play the day away. You said it perfectly this afternoon, "Summer vacation is like having everyday be Saturday."

Lucky little Hobbit.


not possible

Tomorrow night my oldest daughter heads off to youth group.


She is all butterflies about it if her entire life has been leading up to this point.

She asks us to go to second service every Sunday,

"So I can sit with my friends Mom."


Sixth grade....she's hovering between scrapped knees & lip gloss.

She can wear my shoes for goodness sake!

What a comfort to hear her say today,

"To me, 11 & 12 are the best can be a kid but do big things."

Be a kid that does big things?

Sounds good to me.

"I have to practice violin in that beautiful just can't go to waste!" ~AbbySue almost 11

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


Besides Megan & Derek's wedding, Aaron and I had an amazing time together in Brooklyn.

We ran over the bridge, dodging tourists and past Lady Liberty.

We ate together. (For any busy Mom & Dad this is a big deal.)

We ate slow and talked much.

We walked Central Park and jogged through Prospect Park.

We held hands like newlyweds on the subway.

We laughed at those things that are funny to just us...

because after thirteen years and three kids, we are home to each other.

And it made me realize, we say "I Do" to the potential in one another,

not the perfect.

(Sadly we didn't take a single photo of us in this pic of the amazing food at the Red Hook Ball Fields in Brooklyn will be a happy enough memory for me.)


You come running at me...curls tangled and flying with the wind....

"Mommy! Mommy!" out of breath, expectantly, "Am I five...Am I really five!?"

We had a little birthday party...not too many guests, because you are shy.

We sang the song, you looking down, cheeks flushed...smiling.

We had homemade macaroni and cheese "because my friends will really like that."

You ate yours with ketchup.

You have the blisters of determination on the palms of your hands, because there are monkey bars at the park behind our house.

You taught yourself how to tie your shoes.

Your best friend is a dog.

You love to play Uno.

You have to help me because, you say...

"I'm a servant!"

My little Martha.

I love you.