"Mom, sometimes I imagine my life as a story. It's like I can see all the things that happen to me written out in a book. Sometimes when I'm doing something dangerous...I can see it in words and slow motion. And if I think that I might die while doing that dangerous thing...I see the words at the end of the chapter saying, "Is this the The End of Ben?..."
Funniest kid ever!
I just don't know if I always want to know the dangerous thing that he might be doing.
(My little girl and my little lady)
I don't know what it is lately, but I am having the hardest time with how much AbbySue has changed.
And I mean...like 3 inches in 3 months and the beginnings of being a lady kind of change.
I'm so overwhelmed by it.
To be honest, I'm even annoyed.
I can feel myself getting aggravated at her for getting older, as if it's her fault or something.
I know it's wrong.
I hate that I'm upset over her not being little anymore...but it seems so final.
I've gone over all of those things that we have to look forward to as she grows into a young lady and most importantly, into a woman who reflects the love and grace of Christ.
But I'm still upset. I miss her tiny self and I miss the moments of wide eyed wonder. Nothing can change the way I love and treasure her.
It's just that she is so clearly different and I find myself floundering around trying to figure out how to be this mini-woman's Mom, how to let her learn without me hanging over her shoulder and nagging her about standing up straight or making healthy choices. How to give her room to express her heart without nit picking the clumsiness...or the speed at which she speaks (which is like a blur of words lately.)
I can see me trying to keep her safe from the mistakes I've made (instead of trusting her Maker)... and me, trying to mold her into my own idea of what she should be.
So...my prayers lately have been something like this,
"Father, please forgive me for my lack of grace with this precious daughter. You have grace with me. Please give me understanding and quietness. Help me to love her clearly...so that she never doubts how incredibly honored I am to be her Mom. I could never thank You enough for the gift of her life. She teaches me what it means to be true, genuine, honest, and how to trust. Take our hands and walk us though these tender years. Thank you Jesus. ~Amen."