Thursday, April 21, 2011

He is good.

Injured again.

I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I cannot run in the Vermont City Marathon.

We have lived in Massachusetts for almost one year now and I cannot begin to express how lost I still feel.

Just when I think I have grip on living here, life decides to throw another punch...this time it was a low blow.

So, here I am, on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

Can't the bell just ring already?

Doesn't God see me failing?

I'm not the right girl for this kind of life. I want simplicity.

Running was my anti-depressant. It was a gift to my soul. It kept me focused and purposeful.

Why does God take away the good things? I was a better person when I ran, a better mom, and a better wife.

I'm sure this looks like a temper tantrum of sorts. And maybe it is. But, I feel like I'm caught in one of those know the kind, when you are surrounded by evil on all sides, and you open your mouth to scream at the top of your lungs, but not a sound comes out of your empty throat. And you begin to feel helpless. You feel forgotten. Desperate. Alone.

I sat down at the piano the other day. I had come face to face with this brokenness. Not just my own, but of so many lives around me. Good lives. Godly, righteous, saints...stripped bare by the very hand of God that had formerly blessed them.

I sang and I wrote...

"I don't know why He takes away sometimes,
but I know that He's good.

I don't know why He lets His children cry,
but I know He cried too.

There's just something in the dieing,
there's something in the loss.

There's healing in broken,
and life born at the cross.

It's like that blessed morning, when one empty grave proved it all...

In the taking away He gives.

In the taking away He lives, He lives.

In the taking away, He's making a way for me,
to see...that He...

is good."


  1. I love you, sweet friend. Your heart manages to minister to mine in worship- even across the miles, even without being able to hear your voice...that's pretty cool, Jen.

  2. O' how I wish I could be next to you as you sing this beautiful, poignant.....words spoken from the heart...we are so different in many ways but alike in so much more. Jenn your heart and your hands are capable of doing what I have never been able to do. I sing but you sing music...I read but you put it on paper...from your heart to my heart....I miss you so much and yet you are near..Thank You Lord for this daughter of mine and for leading her to Your cross..we may not be together now but will be....for eternity......

  3. Jenn- I love your song, those are some truths that we need to hold on to as tight as we can, praying for you in this valley

  4. oh my sweet sister, how my heart breaks for you. I know what a release running is for you, but I know God will bring you to a better release! Yes He does take away, but what He brings in return is always better, and is always worth it. Every time He takes away it leaves a hole in my heart, that He quickly fills with Himself. I believe He has used your running to prepare to run that same way through the difficulties of this life. Your spiritual legs will always get you farther then your running legs have gone. I am praying for you. Being stripped will bring such security to your life. I love you

  5. I want to cry with you. God is so good my sweet friend and he is holding you in his arms, telling you he loves you and knows best. He led you here, to where you are and he knows where you will go next. And he has your best in mind. I love your song and your heart. You are so dear to me. I love you and I am praying for you, that you will feel his arms (I know you do!) and have his peace. Xo

  6. thank you so much for all of your encouragement and prayers, I truly feel them.