I hate that word. The very thought of it makes me cringe in fear. But today I got to thinking...what the heck am I so afraid of?
I was born brave. Any family member will recall the times I risked life, limb, or reputation..simply for the thrill of it.
So what happened to me?
With each passing year a brand new fear decides to hitch a ride in my heart.
From flying in airplanes to meeting new people (and everything in between)...at times I'm almost crippled with fear and anxiety.
I think that fear is meant to hold us back. To keep us "safe". It is an appropriate response in the right environment. But...the fear that cripples me, and so many other souls, is out of context and can lead to addiction, depression, and isolation...among other things.
So...time for some exposure.
Simply because I'm just so sick and tired of being afraid.
Here it goes...
I'm afraid of what people will think of me when they find out that I didn't go to college.
I'm afraid of what others may think about my many imperfections. (I have ugly toenails, a lot of horrible moles, fake teeth, bad temper...etc.)
I'm afraid of what others think about my kids. I want everyone to love my kids and think that they are the smartest, most well mannered, beautiful, talented, adorable children on the face of this earth. (Well...they are aren't they?)
Sometimes, I'm afraid my husband won't love me anymore. I fear that he will leave me for someone who is more successful, athletic, gorgeous, interesting, nice...etc. (especially the "nice" part:)
I'm afraid someone will hurt my kids. And I'm afraid of what I would do to them if they did.
I'm afraid to fail.
And...I'm afraid to publish this post because now you all know what weirdo I am:)
Well, that's just to name a few of the big ones for me. I know that we all have them, but there are times when it feels like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way...sharing them is my way of "releasing" them. It makes me accountable to keep these things in check. To hand them over to my Savior and to live a life that is a lot more "Fear Free".
Thanks for listening.