the knowing joy

This is you and me just before the valley of the shadow of death. We had no idea what was ahead of us. But God did. This is you and me and our baby. You can see the joy in our embrace. We could easily hear God whisper to our hearts the same words He whispers today, "I love you...trust Me." Our baby went to heaven shortly afterward. And then little Mila that you held and her parents that we never met...they all went to where our baby was. Then Dad. Death was closer than life for us and we tried hard to hear the same whispers of His love. Our embrace became a clinging and our smiles gave way to tears. We wrestled and we questioned and we tried hard to numb the reality that we faced...the everyday fact that death is close and how we had to decide to trust or live in constant fear that God could take a child, a family, a father, a mother, a dream, in just a moment. Yes, the same God we joyfully trust in in the glory of a sunset on the endless sea, the same God that appoints life...appoints death. Dare we trust Him? Maybe this photo is a kind of "before". Maybe I was reluctant to look at it for a while because I longed for the oblivious joy of that day. I still cry and I know you do too. We always will. But something happened in us and for us after this, a beauty from the ashes. God has entrusted our hearts with something precious. We've been given a glimpse of the forever...a little peek into eternity.  We realize now that "we have this treasure in earthen vessels.." today. We had to choose to except the fact that His whisper, "I love you...trust Me", was there in the dark just the same as it was with sunrise and sunset. Remember how I was telling you the other day that floating is like trusting...especially floating in the ocean? You've gotta relax if you're gonna float. We both have worn the struggle of these days in our souls on our faces...we can see it in new lines of sorrow around our eyes. We've treaded water together long enough my love...there is nothing left to to do now but exhale and float on Grace. And by the way..this knowing joy looks amazing on you.