Thursday, December 31, 2015

purposefully forgetful

Sometimes I feel like I don't pay enough attention to what year it is.
I'm so forgetful.
There are years that my brain "flags" of course...1976, 78, 99, '01, '03, '07. 
I count back and forth from these years when I fill out "important information" documents. 
Today is the last day of 2015.
I wrote 2014 on a check just the other day. 
I know I turn forty on January 8th, 2016, and I know that I'm supposed to remember that because apparently "40" is a "big deal".
I even made myself a little countdown on Instagram to remind my brain that "40" is a "big deal". 
But I feel the same as I did when I was "20". 
Honestly, I feel better than I did when I was "20". 
So I don't really understand the "big deal" yet. 
I bought wrinkle cream though...I felt like I was supposed to. 
I didn't even know that I had wrinkles until I leaned real close to the mirror and decided that I must have wrinkles and that I guessed they should be combatted in some way. 
I guess I have gray hair too...joyfully poking their way through my 40 year old scalp. 
Also not a "big deal" to me but appartenly these signs of age should be taken care of. 
I got a new hair cut the other day, a long bob...I guess it's a "lob". 
I got highlights for the first time in my life. 
I don't really see a difference. 
It's still dishwater blonde but the hairdresser called it "oyster".
She seems to think that sounds prettier.
She has obviously never seen ground up oyster shell.
I have.
I feed it everyday to the chickens.
It's dull and it's gray.
Not pretty.
Maybe I feel like I'm supposed to do these things because I should stay looking as young as possible for as long as possible. 
Maybe we all just worry too much about how other people judge our appearance.
Maybe I'm judging others looks too much too. 
Heck, I've been young for forty years now and I'm kinda ready to grow up. 
Even grow older. 
I look forward to growing older with Aaron. 
We talk about that a lot. 
Being that little bent couple, walking slow, holding hands. 
If that is old than old looks beautiful to me. 
I guess when you turn "40" you should have "accomplishments". 
You should be able to brag about all of those anniversaries, and babies, and marathons, and world travels, and careers, etc. etc. (These things justify your age, right?)
And if you haven't accomplished all or any of the above you better go climb Mt. Everest for your birthday because God forbid you have nothing to show for your "40" years on planet earth! 
So now we are faced with, not only, the pressure of looking barley 30 at 40 but we should have a boat load of admirable experiences to go with it.
For Pete's sake!
Let's cut ourselves some slack here! 
Forget it! 
This past year was it. 
Tomorrow will be 2016. 
My goal is the same every New Year...

Philippians 4:12-14
"Not that  have already attained, or am already perfected, but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

And I'm reminded that we are to be purposefully forgetful about the past.
And purposefully looking forward to nothing else but Jesus. 

Well...that and Disneyland. 
I'm looking forward to turning forty next week at Disneyland, (thank you husband!), with my loves all around me, and my new youthful haircut, and my less wrinkled face! 
(Such the hypocrite!) 

The only mouse I'll ever love 


  1. We love you guys and you're the best-looking almost 40 I've ever seen! I think God lets some years slip by almost too fast to notice so we can get to the good stuff, kindof like a parent too excited for Christmas to let the kids sleep in! Happy New Year, and happy early birthday, birthday buddy one day before mine!! xoxoxo Gillian

  2. Jen, you have text me a pic of your new dew!?? Happy EARLY birthday! You will always be 20 to me. Love you!