Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A Perfect God

Let me start by saying that this is not about's about events that have effected me and my family but have had an even greater and deeper effect on many of the lives related to some of these tragedies. I also understand that some precious families that we know and love are going through even darker valleys than any we have traversed.
My soul goes out to them.
With that being said I feel the need to share a little bit of how these trials have shaped my own heart and the hearts of the other four Kookies that live under the roof of this Old House. 

About five years ago I helped a frantic mom drag her unconscious son out of a lake. He died. That effected me. I don't talk much about it but I will always pray for that family whose heartache I cannot fathom. 
Since that time I have kissed my Grandma, who was much like another mother to me, goodbye.  
We have lost a baby. 
We witnessed a car accident in which a family of three were killed....Aaron tried to resuscitate the dad and the baby. The mom had clearly passed away.
The other two literally died in Aaron's hands.
Just a few weeks later Aaron and I kissed his precious Dad goodbye. 
Aaron physically carried his Dad to the hearse waiting outside their house. 
And a couple months ago I kissed the Grandpa who helped raise me goodbye. 
In the middle of all this we had a falling out with family members.
We recently left our church and in doing so left a wake of awkwardness and misunderstanding with both family and friends.
We feel broken. 
At times forsaken. 
These years have been very hard. 
I'm just sharing this because I'm a different person than I was. 
I'm more quiet. 
I'm humbled.
Aaron is too. 
We have all changed. 
These kinds of things make or break us...maybe both. 
I'm not sharing this because I want pity or because I need anyone to really understand. 
I don't expect that. 
I'm just writing down what has happened because one day our kids will read this and my hope and prayer is that they remember these years for what they were...sometimes barren but with a beauty all their own. 
We did not shield them from any of this. 
We did not pretend.
We were careful about details but they walked through every bit of it with us. 
We have been honest with them and they have seen us question God and not talk to God for a while but through it all I pray that they have witnessed true, real, gritty, faith being worked out of our lives, hand in hand. 
I hope that they grow up ready for the uphills and the endurance to go with it. 
I pray that they know a God who is ever present to help in their time of need. 
I pray that they stand up for Truth. 
I pray that they jump into the mangled mess of death with the grace to say goodbye to life...
and their faith still intact. 
Because the Bible says that our children are like arrows. 
Arrows are weapons. 
Childhood is like target practice. 
Practice is hard therefore childhood will not alway be easy. 
Practice perfects...but childhood is not perfect.
We are not doing any favors for our kids by giving them the impression that they deserve a perfect childhood. 
We should be careful not to put that kind of pressure on ourselves as parents either. 
We can however, and we must, point them to a Perfect God.
Because one day they will be sent out on their own and our deepest desire is that, when the time comes to pull back the bow and let them go, their one and only aim is for the glory of their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 
imperfectly perfect 

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them..." 
Psalm 127:4-5


  1. So love this, Jenn - and love you. I know you guys have gone through some tough times over the last few years, but it's encouraging to watch you go through things while encouraging others while you do. I appreciate your honesty! Love you guys!

  2. Ah, you brought tears to my eyes. Love you guys so much. Thank you for being so raw and vulnerable here. I am thankful for the words you share.

  3. I am reading your blog with minutes left until midnight in 2015... I love reading your pieces because they give me so much hope in humankind when sometimes I feel it's missing everywhere else. I will say a very special prayer that 2016 is a peaceful and happy one for all of the Kookies. We miss you all very much around these parts and are sending all our love west (and slightly north!) 😘 Kaitlyn, John and The Cronin's